John McCain made yet another of his all-too-common verbal gaffes (it must be a Republican thing), calling himself a Liberal Republican. This from the man who has spent so much time trying to convince Republicans that he’s conservative enough to be their president. Evidently, being ‘conservative’ nowadays means outlawing abortion, outlawing gay marriage, and making sure we kill Iraqis for 100 years or more.

However, in his gaffe, which is being played as a soundbyte all across the nation on conservative radio (and just wait until Rush gets hold of it), John McCain reveals a truth well known to some: he has no idea who he’s supposed to be this year. Somehow, he is trying to distance himself from any possible scandals of the past, grasp hold of this brave new future where young whippersnappers want change, and convince both hardline conservatives and compassionate conservatives alike that he is one of them. So far, John McCain is doing a pretty good job being who everyone wants him to be, it just depends what time of day you catch him.

A new commercial is airing from the Hillary Clinton campaign, this one called ‘Children’. The video shows a family safe and asleep, with a phone ringing late in the night. The message is…

While your children are safe in bed, there is a phone ringing in the night…<insert ominous breathing here>…your children are not safe…<insert scary music jab here>…unless you vote for Hillary Clinton…<insert crescendo here>…who knows the world leaders……like Medenedenevanedwhatever.

Okay, so there’s no scenes out of a cheesy horror movie, but I was half expecting someone to break into the house, grab the kiddies, and Hillary Clinton herself to come save the day wearing a bulletproof vest and sporting a 9mm. Check the video out for yourself:

In other news, Barack Obama has NOT released any messages scaring you into voting for him. He has not shown you how unsafe your children are unless you vote Barack Obama. No, Barack Obama continues to spread that message of hope that is a serious thorn in the side of every established politician. Only time will tell who the American public responds to…fearmongers, or hopemongers?

UPDATE: Politico.com has a new update, in which David Plouffe has dismissed this commercial as a non-issue and an obvious case of fearmongering:

“The ad has echoes of a famous “red telephone” spot that Roy Spence, now a Clinton adviser, made in 1984 for former Vice President Walter Mondale when he was seeking the Democratic nomination against Gary Hart.

Plouffe said dismissively: ‘Senator Clinton has already had her red phone moment, and it was the [2002] decision whether to allow George Bush to invade Iraq. She answered affirmatively. She did not read the National Intelligence Estimate, so she didn’t do her homework either.’

Plouffe repeated the ‘red phone’ comment several times, saying voters will choose based on judgment. ‘Do they trust the judgment of these candidates on not just red-phone issues, but generally, … both domestically and internationally?’ he asked.”

UPDATE #2: ABC has also picked up on the story, adding that George Stephanopoulos calls this the ‘nuclear option’ (or nucular option if you’re the current President). Here’s a quote from the article:

“The tone of the ad — which echoes the infamous Daisy Ad from the 1964 Johnson-Goldwater presidential race and the red phone ad former Vice President Walter Mondale ran against Gary Hart in their ‘84 race for the Democratic nomination — indicates that the Clinton campaign is pulling out the all the stops leading into the Ohio and Texas primaries.”

Also from the article, it appears Barack Obama has fired back in excellent form with the following:

“Addressing a group of veterans at an American Legion post in Houston, Obama said: ‘We’ve seen these ads before. They’re the kind that play on peoples’ fears to scare up votes.’

‘The question is not about picking up the phone,’ Obama said. ‘The question is: what kind of judgment will you make when you answer? We’ve had a ‘red phone moment’. It was the decision to invade Iraq. And Senator Clinton gave the wrong answer. George Bush gave the wrong answer. John McCain gave the wrong answer.’”

Lastly, it seems that the ad was copied from the previous ad by the creator of the original himself:

“It seems Roy Spence, the creator of Mondale’s red phone ad, borrowed from his own portfolio in creating Clinton’s latest ad. Spence joined the New York senator’s presidential campaign after New Hampshire.”

That’s fearmongering you can xerox!

UPDATE #3: USAToday has picked up the pace with this article as well, noting a new response from the Clinton campaign regarding Barack Obama’s response:

“During a long conference call with reporters this afternoon, Clinton campaign strategist Mark Penn and campaign spokesman Howard Wolfson said they do not think the ad plays on fears — but rather raises a legitimate question that voters should ask. At one point in the call, Wolfson noted that Obama himself said today that it is legitimate to ask who would be better suited to deal with crises in the White House.

We then asked about the rest of Obama’s comments — that the ad plays to fears and that Clinton had her ‘red phone moment’ and made the wrong decision. Penn answered that he’s heard a lot of ‘talk from Sen. Obama’ but that when it comes to action, the senator often comes down on the same side as Clinton. Penn also repeated that he does not believe the ad plays on fears, and he said the Obama campaign is being defensive because it suspects many voters might agree that Clinton is the person they would want to answer that phone. “

I find the answers to be substandard. Wolfson notes that Obama said that it’s legitimate to ask who would be better suited; well, of course it is. But that is not what the ad does. Instead, the ad plays on fears, painting a grim picture of what happens when the world sleeps, and assures watchers that Hillary Clinton is best equipped to pick up the red phone. Penn fires back, saying that Barack Obama comes down on the same side as Clinton…he must have forgotten that Hillary Clinton voted for the war in Iraq, while Barack Obama has opposed it from the start. The fact that he comes down on the same side on some issues is good, they are both Democrats after all. But it seems on the most critical of issues. Barack Obama votes his conscience and with the will of the people, not with the will of other politicians.

Dear lord. The only thing worse than a family play group is one from some pretentious, conservative, religious school. Like the one I encountered at my local chicken fast food restaurant. I was like an atheist deer caught in a god-fearing headlight; believe me, there was enough holy water thrown at me to clean my paintball gun (and legally, I’m not confessing to anything in that statement). With floor length skirts and turtle necks abound, I thought for a moment that I might be watching the new season of Big Love. Which I’ve been waiting for forever since the strike. Surprised I frequent a series about men marrying multiple womyn? Me too, but there is something quite satisfactory about watching three womyn, who are obviously lesbians, use a man under wifely pretenses. And I have much love for HBO. Big love.

But I digress. Times like these actually make me want to have kids, but just so that mine can corrupt the goody, impulse-suppressed spawns that I saw at this establishment. Thinking about this was all I could do not to regurgitate my waffle fries, for the adult-sized crocks and overuse of the names Elijah and David were too much for me to handle. “Mommy’s right here!” they take turn yelling in dramatized, high-pitched, soothing voices, “are you ok?” Here’s some info: your children’s ears haven’t developed enough for frequencies so high. Just go get your kids. And sit. And where’s your husband to reprimand you for wearing your khaki pants below your belly-button?

I would much rather watch Big Love on HBO. Why, oh why do I go out in public places like this? It must be punishment for trusting that the public is becoming more educated on the realities of living in a socially-stinted world. I would much rather watch bickering wives and the ever-turbulent, but oh so entertaining, fighting compound crazies in the safety of my own home. The best part, other than the fact that the second season is just as good as the first season, is that it is make believe. The scene that I described above, is so polygamist satire I couldn’t believe it. But on the television, you can pretend that all of the real people, who are similarly disillusioned and stuck in the past, are make believe too. And you can turn it off when you have seen too many cardigan sweaters for your own good. Bad womanyst you may think I am, but who doesn’t love to see just how ridiculous the institution of marriage really is? You’re right Common Organic, there are many toxins out there.

Oh my goodness. Do you know what I got when I got my new Betz White book? Warm Fuzzies; both metaphorically, because this book is the best, and literally. Warm Fuzzies is one of the coolest new books I have seen (other than Crafter Culture of course). First of all, Betz White is a really cool chick. You should surely check out her blog, of which I regularly stalk along with my early morning coffee and blog-reading ritual. She is witty, up-beat, and eternally carefree as she moves along in her busy life of kids, business, and artfulness. To prove how artful this book is, I have even thought about our other wonderful critics, and thought I might offer some of you some inspiration to find peace and get crafty through the world of feltyness:

• Granola girl - You will be happy to know that these projects are encouraged to come from recycled materials, such as old wool sweaters. What better way to help the cause of clean food than to reduce waste?
• Womanyst - The basic instructions on felt constructions could surely be applied to a nice felted set of ovaries or other female-specific genitalia
• Mr. Kriticle - I think you would be pleased by the organized implementation of each project.
• Tech nerd - You would just love the possibilities of many tech gadget cozies made of felt. LOL, LMAO, TTYL.
• Mad Critic - Hmmm…there is something very sinisterly pleasing about my mental pictures of you meticulously hand-sewing a bed for your beloved Westminster acclaimed canine, while subsequently cussing at your thread in Latin.
• Pornstar - Every great girl needs a great bag, you should try one of the adorable totes. Take a little time out for yourself and sew.

I plan on making one of the super-easy pins first to get used to the felt technique, and you just know I’ll have to make a cute bag for my little girl next. In fact, instead of using a sewing machine, most of the projects are diverse enough that you could hand sew instead of using the machine and let the kiddies get in there to make their very own hat, gloves, or purse. This F+W publisher isn’t too bad either. After doing some digging on publishing a craft book (wouldn’t this be the ultimate for an artist? A girl can dream…), I found some of their other books. Here are a few that caught my eye:

• The Art of Personal Imagery: Expressing Your Life Through Collage - After all, the whole point of art is to have time to look within and be uninhibited in expression
• Nuno Nouveau: Fashionable Felt for Accessories and Home Decor – Though I haven’t gotten my hands on it yet, I hear Nuno felt is the cool new fiber art. I first heard about it on one of the first blogs that I stalked, Heal My Life. The author of this blog used these techniques to make awesome bags, but I have seen beautiful scarves and such too!
• Kaleidoscope: Ideas And Projects to Spark Your Creativity – Another one I have seen on several crafty-art blogs! Great price, and another way to delve into the artful person who resides inside of you.

I don’t know how I feel about discovering that I’m as bad at bowling in Second Life as I am at bowling in real life. I do know how I feel about Splitsville, the bowling alley I found in Second Life: I love it! The design is classic, complete with checkerboard floors, dizzying carpet in the billiards area, and naugahyde banquettes behind each lane.

The site offers three areas for bowling: indoor lanes, rooftop lanes, and the outdoor bowling pavilion south of the building. All the lanes provide a free bowling glove and HUD (Heads Up Display, which is an attachment scripted to help you do things like animate your avatar), and you grab the ball of your choice from the rack near each lane. The HUD provides adjustments for speed and aim along with a “Throw Ball” button. After starting the game, you position your avatar, take aim using the HUD, and click the “Throw Ball” button.

If you’ve positioned yourself well, you might throw a strike. The script runs your avatar through the usual movements of bowling, including the occasional face plant as you slip on the polished floor. The animation seems to return you to your original position; but even if you just threw a strike, there’s no guarantee that you won’t throw a gutter ball if you presume to stay in that spot for the next throw.

The game allows for one or two players per lane, so you can go by yourself and practice or take a date. There’s no need for special shoes—I bowled in my stilettos (hm…maybe that explains all those gutter balls). The only thing I wish the HUD or the lane would provide is a bit more information about how bowling is scored, and an indicator to tell the players whose turn it is. It’s been a long time since I bowled in RL, and the sport has some quirks in those areas that should be explained to the new and the rusty.

In addition to bowling, there are scripted billiards tables, dancing, and a swimming pool shaped like a bowling pin. You can sign up for bowling buddies if you want to bowl with another aficionado, or join the Splitsville Bowling League. The Splitsville Arena offers concerts, and the Pro Shop is a good place to buy bowling shirts and teddy bears.

So if you find yourself wandering the grid in search of an activity, and you’ve had your fill of the usual dance clubs, head over to Splitsville and try your hand at virtual bowling. And be happy that you don’t have to rent special bowling shoes that have housed thousands of other smelly feet.