The common idiot will be found sitting at a stoplight under the delusion that his/her music is so cool, that they must roll down their window and turn it to the highest possible volume so all the other people at the stoplight will be forced to listen to the driver’s “hip beats.” Unfortunately, the common idiot’s choice in music often reflects his/her mentality.

The common idiot is a parent who feeds their child a soda, popcorn, and candy at the movie theater and then expects their child to sit quietly for two hours. Note to all parents, you have probably just let your child ingest over a hundred grams of sugar, caffeine, and whatever toxic chemical that popcorn is floating in. It is normal for your child to be hyper, cranky, bratty, and belligerent for the next 24 hours, while their little systems work overtime to regulate. There is no need to rush to grab the ADD meds!

Welcome to the first ever edition of The Common Idiot. In each post, I’ll be giving a few examples of things you might see day to day that these ever-so-prevalent people do. Some of you may not agree with me. I don’t care. Maybe if enough people disagree with me I can add “disagreeing with All Organic” as something the common idiot does. Chances are if you disagree, you already fit the bill. Have a diet coke and relax.

So without further ado, let’s explore the habits of the common idiot.

1. The common idiot will whine about all the toxins polluting the earth while ingesting a twinkie and a diet soda
2. The common idiot will hold up a line of cars in a parking garage so that they can back into their parking spot
3. The common idiot wants to know where vegans get their calcium without stopping to wonder where the cows are getting their calcium.
4. The common idiot will circle a parking lot for 10 minutes to save themselves 2 minutes of walking
5. The common idiot believes the FDA and the poor, defenseless drug companies have their best interests at heart

That’s it for this week. Don’t worry, there’s plenty more with new cases of common idiocity showing up every day.

The Common Idiot is a column maintained by our kritic, Ms. All Organic. It’s a pretty safe bet that you run across the common idiot at least 5 or 6 times a day, possibly more if you hang around Walmart parking lots, fast food chains, department stores, or…well, anywhere.

What is the common idiot? Knowing All Organic, I’m sure you’ll get a no-holds-barred answer!